The point of this article isn’t so much to give relationship advice as
it is to show that these pieces of wisdom have actually been studied and confirmed by scientists who dedicate their entire careers to understanding human interaction at its deepest level.
While you may act in
accordance with the advice given in this article anyway, you might not
realize the incredible effects doing so has had on your relationship. If
you read this and you do think “well, duh,” my guess is you’re in a loving and caring relationship that rarely faces any truly rocky moments.
On the other hand, if some of this advice is news to you, think about
how you can change up your routine to improve what should be one of the
most important aspects of your life.
1) Think Positively About Each Other.
Say it with me now: “Well,
duh!” You might not need science to tell you that thinking positive
thoughts about your significant other is beneficial to your
relationship, but you also might not realize how beneficial these
positive thoughts are. According to Bianca Acevedo, Ph.D. of the
University of California in Santa Barbara, having almost constant
positive thoughts of your mate allows you to experience “positive sentiment override.” This is fancy speak for “letting things go.”
When you’re constantly
thinking of the great things your significant other brings to your life,
you let the things that might annoy you about them fade away. For
example, and I’ll be very candid here, my wife sometimes leaves her
shoes in the middle of the floor, leaving klutzy me to trip over them
once in awhile.
Imagine if my head was full
of negative thoughts about her bad habits: I’d constantly harp on the
fact that she “always leaves her shoes in the middle of the floor” (even
if she doesn’t always do it).
Instead, if I happen to trip
over her shoes, I take a step back and remember, for example, that she
had a long day the night before, and had kicked off her shoes in
frustration over something that happened at work the minute she got
home. The fact that she forgot to pick them up pales in comparison to
knowing how hard she works every day of her life, so it’s incredibly
easy to let something so insignificant fall by the wayside.
2) Show Physical Affection.
Picture a cute little old
couple sitting on a park bench holding hands while they enjoy the
sunshine. We’ve all seen something similar at one point or another,
recognized it as absolutely adorable, and moved on with our lives. But
take a minute to realize that this old couple has been holding hands
since they were in their 20s or 30s, or even younger! They’ve been
holding each other’s hands for over 50 years, and have never once gotten
tired of it.
No matter your age, showing physical signs of affection releases oxytocin,
which causes a calm to come over your body. It works both ways, in that
the giver and receiver of the physical attention benefit from a single
action, such as a hug or peck on the cheek.
Of course, no discussion of the benefits of physical affection would be complete without a discussion of sex.
Although there is the long-running idea that humans in their 20s are in
their sexual prime, there’s also the idea that experience plays a large
role in a couple’s sexual satisfaction, and that sex gets better with age.
There’s no easier way to say it than “practice makes perfect.” The more
sex a couple has together, the more they understand about what each
other enjoys, and the better it gets.
3) Communicate Face-to-Face.
We live in a world in which
we can spend our entire day at work texting our significant others. You
would think the ability to be in constant communication with one another
would increase our connectedness, and, well. . . you’d be right, at least in part. However, we should never use texting, email, Skype, or phone calls as a substitute for actual face-to-face communication and conversation.
Couples that have strong communication skills
tend to be happier than those whose conversations are artificial and
superfluous. They’re able to pick up on a variety of clues related to
body language, voice inflection, and facial expression that simply
aren’t there when talking on the phone or through text. Not only that,
but the conversations had in person tend to be much more meaningful than
those had through your smartphone. Lastly, when having a face-to-face
conversation with your loved one, your attention is, or at least should
be, completely on the conversation at hand. When you’re talking on the
phone, you’re more likely to be distracted by other messages and notifications that take away from the authenticity of your interaction.
4) Push Each Other’s Limits.
No, I don’t mean you should
annoy each other to your wits’ end! I mean you should always be looking
for something new to do as a couple (side note: I’m really glad I
included a section between this one and the one about sex, or this
entire section could be read as a double entendre!).
Anyways, as a couple, you
should always be willing to do something you normally wouldn’t do if not
for your significant other. I have no qualms admitting that I enjoy
going to art galleries and street fairs, as long as my wife is by my
side. And she would never have found herself at a Yankee game in the
dead heat of July, but together we’ve had some memorable moments at the
Stadium over the years. Having a loved one to experience life with is incentive to actively go out and expand your comfort zone.
Instead of waiting around for something amazing to happen to you, go
out and experience everything you possibly can. Whether you enjoy
yourself or not, you at least create a new memory to share with the
person you love (often the funniest stories, in retrospect, are the worst experiences when they’re actually happening).
5) Have A Life Of Your Own — Together
Even married couples who have
devoted their lives to one another live with the understanding that
they are still separate people with separate hopes and dreams. A
relationship may be made of two people who have joined together, but
that doesn’t mean each party should live every single moment of their
lives for the other person. And they shouldn’t expect it from their
significant other, either.
When you enter into a
relationship, you’ll most likely make some sacrifices that will be the
difference between the person you were and the person you want to
become. This doesn’t mean you have to give up your entire identity,
though. In fact, if your significant other mandates that you completely
overhaul your entire life, you’re almost certainly in an abusive or
otherwise detrimental relationship. Though you both should feel the need to grow together, you should both also have the freedom to grow individually as well.
Having passion for life
outside of your relationship can actually strengthen your relationship
in a variety of ways. You’ll share more experiences (as previously
discussed), you’ll be able to support your significant other in
enjoyable ways, and you won’t become too overbearing or reliant on your
mate. Most importantly, the more you love yourself, the more love you’ll be able to give. By living every moment of your own life passionately, you ensure that you maintain a passion for your relationship as well.
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